what writing is for me

Writing is a twitchy thing for me. I pay little to no attention to grammar. I disregard all the important things, really, that may put writing into the category of “high art”. Writing has just always been something that has been there for me, its always been a part of me. I don’t know if I’ve always been good at it, mediocre even, or if it’s just the one thing I’ve thoroughly enjoyed since I can remember. I love being able to sit down and feel some sick flood of inspiration come over me and just dilute every other sense. In those moments where I want to write, there is nothing else. All there is, the only important thing, is to write. I haven’t found a certain niche in writing yet. I’ve dabbled in short stories, fiction, poetry, manifestos etc. I don’t think I’d find myself writing for a living, not even as a critic or journalist. It’s the only thing I really do for me, which is maybe why I value it so much; that intimacy. I’m an incredibly open person, a “straight shooter” most would say and writing is the only thing I really have a problem sharing. It’s the root of the root of what I’m made up of, its not something I want to hand out to whoever or even those I love. The hold certain pieces have on me is bizarre. Writing is both something terrifying and self satisfying. It’s fertilizer, perhaps? It is such a fantastic feeling to read a book or a poem, anything, and find that one paragraph, sentence, word, minute moment in which it all clicks, and BOOM I find myself inspired. It is also so wonderful to find oneself going about our daily business when suddenly, there it is, that grand moment where all of those ideas suddenly string together and you get it! Its time to write this, this is what has had my mind racing for days, nights, months. On the other end of things, not writing…well, it stinks frankly. When I find myself without anything of importance to say or write I find that I am more bored with everything. With writing comes an understanding of ourselves, of our surroundings, and feeling as if we cannot write is almost as if we’ve lost touch with all of the concrete things that surround us every single day. All of that being said, all jumbled up, writing is a cataclysm of sorts. Its different for every person, its culmination of our darkest demons and lightest light. It can be simple or complex. It can be lost for years or right in front of us. Writing is the author.